Wow, it may be a short story but I can imagine this as the begining of a series. Very interesting characters and concept and it was basically inbetweens so you put in the extra effort and it paid of.

A lot of drawings, like wow, how did you have time to work on all this, that and over 8 minutes long. Really amazing work. The animation was clear and fluid, even your fast paced action translated well and I didn't get overly turned around, just a bit flabbergasted by some Assassin Creed stunts this kid was pulling off.

But, this story and world is a bit jarring at times. Like you are presenting a somewhat renaissance, a time of old without modern convenience or technology, yet you have garbage bins acting as convenient plot armor for a kid that jumped off the roof of a very tall cathedral-esque building and a name tag for a dog-like collar of all things. Like, it was a bit of a let done that your plot twist was a modern dog collar. For all of the great animation and illustration work and unique character designs, your resolve was a collar. I apologize to sound harsh, but I felt like there was more going for the story... Like when the Butcher said "family" (great way to add dialog on the bottom like that by the way with the SFX cues, very modern script reel style, nice) I thought the duck was cursed and now that the duck was away from the only person that knew he was/used to be human and this random boy/thief steals him, I was expecting the duck to try and communicate to him for comedic moments, and then a new villain could appear, the one who originally cursed and was like about to battle him for the duck or something. Like you had a lot going for it, and your art is amazing, do not get me wrong, I love your art style, timing, and action sequence, but the story felt a bit flat. You are doing an amazing job, and I hope my words come off more sincere and the way as I intended and not as a highly cynical blowhard. Please keep up all the hard work and thank you so much for having the courage to show us this fantastic piece. I hope you have a great rest of your summer and I wish you the very best.

Your ilustration are very good, and I love your story. :D

Hi Sophia! Thank you sooo much! I appreciate it a ton!!

Hi Sophie! I've been following your story since the first deliverable, and I'm really happy to see your story completed, great job! Your choice of angles and overall flow of the storyboard is very easy to follow, and you have a great sense of direction and movement, especially with the chase scene! I love your design of Rowan and the butcher, and I also love the design of the duck and how you animated its movement, especially the eyes- really cute! Fantastic job overall!!

Hi Caitlyn! I wanted to especially say thank you for following my journey from start to finish! It is individuals like you who constantly show support and love that I am able to keep pushing forward and make it to the finish line! Thank you for all you very nice compliments, support, and really really really appreciate it:))

Hello Sophie!

What an amazing story! Beyond creative and the artwork is phenomenal! Very great job! And your animation was outstanding! Very well done!

Hi Monica! Thank you very much for the comment and support, I appreciate it!

Hi Sophie!!

Fabulous work, and congratulations on your final submission!

Your artwork is absolutely beautiful, and the micro movements of your characters do a great job at illustrating their emotions. I wish there was some dialogue as I was reading the subtitles and felt like I missed some parts but that said, the flow of your drawings proved to be very clear at telling the story. I'd suggest playing around with music more—to add more depth into the emotions of the butcher when Don finally returns, and towards the ending.

I do agree with the others that the part where Rowan is convincing the bird not to go in the direction of the butcher could be shorter, or the dialogue of the story could take a different direction —perhaps he offers/shows Don different homes he could fly to etc.

Otherwise amazing work, and great potential!!

Hi Samantha! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and write some suggestions!!

I definitely want to work on the timing a bit better, plus I know that the music was a bit of a poor choice but I couldn't find anything 9 minutes long plus wanted to get it in before the due date! (It was more of me needed to time out everything better too!)

I certainly wished I had some voice overs from my friends who matched the characters, but that too was another timing issue and I had a few comments prior that maybe it was best to not narrate and let the visuals speak for itself! I certainly agree with everything you said and hope that I can make those changes if I go back to the story!

For now, thank you so much for the comment!! I appreciate so very much!

Super nice story, I think it would help to have more types of music especially when he runs away.

Hi Bernabe! Thank you so much for the comment, yes I definitely struggled a lot with the music and effects mixing just because I wanted to get the story done yesterday and turned in on time:) Next time, I will definitely plan it out a bit better to find a track that works more with it, def was hard to find since it was around 8 minutes of boarding! Thanks for all your prior comments!!

Hello Sophie,

Great story. I really liked the art and story in general. It really feels like you had thought long and hard about this and did a great job in the execution.

I do agree with Ben that this is a bit long and can be cut down shorter. I have the same exact problem when trying to tell a short story. Mine always seem to go longer and it becomes hard to tell what is essential to the story you are trying to tell. I struggle with the problem all the time and honestly it can be easier to see in other peoples work rather than your own. For example in your story do we need to see Rowan wake up and throw the bread at the Bird in the beginning. I do like it hints at his is going to get more bread and there is going to be another bird in his future he has to deal with. What if you started with Rowan being chased by the guards and getting away to deliver the bread to those kids. It sets up his character right off the back and we know he is a thief, poor and has a big heart giving the food that he probably could use and giving it to other kids.

I think you could also have him realize that the Duck was the butcher's pet faster. It felt like it went on a little longer than it needed to. I was also confused on why he would care that the duck was going back in the same direction. If it was me, I would just think the duck is flying off some where and it just happened to be in the same direction but I wouldnt think it was going back to the Butcher. That might just be me though.

I loved the scene where he falls off the roof and catches the clothes line to swing away. You should check out the beginning of Final Fantasy 9. There is a scene where Princess Garnet is running away and does something similar and jumps off and swings away from the main character who is trying to kidnap her. Its a pretty funny scene. See how they shot that scene and what angles they used. I think it can really help plus your shot.

I know I had a lot to say on what can change and improve, but I think you did a wonderful job.

Thank you so much, Marcus! Your comment really it all out of the park and really appreciate the compliments too:) I tend to definitely struggle more with short stories, and since I want to go down more of the feature route, I guess I just extended it more for myself to make myself push it to that my future goals. I really appreciate all the other comments you made, even adding a place where I could look for adding more actions or getting better understand of the dynamic of characters! Thank you so much again!

You have GREAT POTENTIAL as an artist and storyboarder!

GREAT character art and animation. GREAT use of camera angles and lighting.

Decent use of sound effects, but also it’s FANTASTIC that you captioned everything.

There’s also so many similarities to Disney’s Aladdin that it’s hard to ignore. Even the way the character moves across rooftops and awnings. The fact that he steals bread and gives it to 2 poor children.

As an audience member, I lost the thread after about 4 minutes. Where is this going? I sat down to see a short, and after he feeds the kids his bread, I was wondering, how many stories are in here?

Suggestions: Needs to be faster. The final video is more than twice as long as our target length, however, so I’d recommend making some hard decisions and cutting it down to 5 minutes or less. It seems like maybe there are a few stories happening here. For an animated short, I’d just pick the one that’s most important for you to tell.

So, to wrap up — YOU HAVE GREAT SKILL. But your story editing needs to be tighter for an animated short. If you’re making a feature, obviously you can go longer. I’m judging based on the SXP assignment requirements.

Good luck!

Hi Ben!
Thank you very much for the comments and really, really, really appreciate all your suggestions! I actually ended up chopping the first half this morning after going over it with a friend, but I know it is a still a very long short story! I appreciate your comments on the similarities to other stories, plus the one about after 4 minutes in you start questioning the story. I, too, felt that, and then made that decision to chop it this morning just because I knew it didn't add much except for cool rooftop scenes lol. I appreciate your comment on how to improve and also appreciate your kindness towards the compliments! Thank you for taking the time to comment, Ben!