I liked your camera angels of when people released Ami to fly, as well as the birds eye downwards angle. They really added to the drama and scale of the story!

Perhaps it is more realistic for there to be back and forth of Ami and Skinny's trauma and their needing to be comforted, but from a narrative perspective, it was sometimes hard to follow. For example, for Ami to overcome his fears and fly higher into the sky and danger in order to divebomb Skinny and get him out of the trench was great, but then we see him too scared to deliver the message the next scene. It was cathartic, but then it was taken away. Since I saw that you wanted to trim down the runtime, perhaps these could be areas to cut?

Overall I think you did a great job. Grats on finishing the program!

There is a melodic pattern as Skinny and Cher Ami both experience traumatic experiences. Your narration is clearly executed, and is elevated with the visuals. I feel the story would be just as compelling without the audio as well. You offer a variety of perspectives which allows the viewer to feel engulfed in your story’s environment. Great final submission, good luck with your creative journey!
Paige

What a great story! I felt every bit of it waiting to see what Ami will do and how as small as he is but influences the people around him! Great story! Great camera angles and close up especially Ami when flying with the literal “Bird’s eye angle” and the opposite showing him flying as if he’s a brave eagle! Amazing work and very heartfelt! Also clever name for Ami! Congratulations! I remember your story from the live feature! Wishing you all the best!

Thanks so much for your kind words! I wish I could take credit for the name, but amazingly, this story is loosely based on a real WWI carrier pigeon named Cher Ami ( https://animaltia.com/cher-ami-heroic-pigeon/ ). I'm not sure they could have named him any better!

Oh that’s super interesting!! And made me love the idea more! Great job Allen!!

detailed, smooth transitions, and i like the voiceover. you did a great job.

Hey Allen!

First of all congratulations on the great work. I was a big fan from the story when I saw it first, and loved to see it develop over these past weeks. A thing that I really like in your way of working is how you used the feedback in making your story better. Shows that you really care about it!

Story wise I think your reel is very clear to follow and I had no questions. You could look into creating more dynamic shots here and there, for example at 00:44 it would be really cool to see some close ups of the wind rushing trough the feathers to really show the speed and action. For the next stage you could also think about replacing the voice-over with only music and sound effects. But again, I think you did a great job!

I am very curious how you will further develop this story! 🐦

Hey, Jelle! Thanks again for your kind words and feedback. I totally agree with the points you've made. A close up there would be great and I'd love to get this to the point of being able to ditch the narrator. Hopefully I'll get it there in the future! Thanks again for all your feedback over the entire course. It's been great working back and forth with you throughout!

I love this a ton, I would agree that maybe some parts could be cut down so that the story can move on a bit quicker but overall beautiful character development, design, and congrats on making it to the finish line!

Hi, Sophie! Thanks so much for your kind comments. They're greatly appreciated! Definitely agree it could use a bit of trimming :-)

Hi Allen! I’m glad to see your final submission!

I see that you do not have many changes with respect to your week 7 submission, so I don’t know if I can say something different from what I have already told you. Still, I don't want to miss the opportunity to congratulate you on finding a beautiful way to tell a story of bravery that occurred during the horrors of war. We usually know stories from the great tragedies of war, so I love that you have chosen to tell one about the hope that can exist even in the darkest of times.
I really like that two characters who needed help found each other in such an unconventional way, and supported each other until the end, against all odds of winning.

I have really enjoyed to share our thoughts about your story as well as mine. I never thought I would be able to learn so much from peer feedback, so I really want to thank you for all the help you have provided me the last couple of weeks. I hope you have learned as much as me from the program!
Please, do not hesitate to contact me if you need any further help with this or any future stories, I will be more than glad to help. Congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!

Hey, Julieta! Thank you for your comments as always! Unfortunately, I only had time to mostly clean things up and add some minor changes to smooth out and better communicate a few sequences. The only completely new drawing is the message attached to Cher Ami's foot, which was actually created because of your previous comment. So, thank you again! Your feedback has been invaluable during this course and will be in my mind as I continue to work on this project. I've also seen all the amazing feedback you left for others and just want you to know you are appreciated!

And the same goes for you: don't hesitate to reach out beyond this course. I'm trying to check in on Discord more often and I think I'm in a new group with you on there, so looking forward to talking more. I'll be checking out your final submission soon, as well!

I completely understand you! It’s so hard to implement all the changes we want on time, the good part is that we can keep working on them and talk about it on Discord :)
I noticed the new drawing of the message, I liked the detail!

Thank you very much for your nice words, and yes, I am very excited to be able to continue debating on that new server! I really think that one of the most valuable things that I take from this course is having met people like you who have helped me a lot throughout my story development process. It has been a pleasure to share this experience with you, I am sure that we will continue to have great conversations and suggestions on Discord!

I really liked the facial expressions of your characters. You can see the fear in Cher Ami's eyes when he is falling to the ground and Skinny's sadness when Cher Ami is getting ready to leave. I also liked the suspense when Skinny was petrified and how you can see that the dugout is slowly breaking. My only critique would be to think about condensing some scenes. There were some parts that felt like they could be shorter or removed from the story, such as where Cher Ami pretends to act dazed. Great work fellow bird storyteller!

Thanks so much for your feedback, Ariana! I definitely agree that there are some parts that could be cut down or at least have a few more images added within certain sections to keep things visually interesting instead of just staying on a single image for so long. I'll try to take this into account on future project, for sure!

That's a heartfelt story. Is it based on some real story, or completely made up? I really loved the set ups and pay offs (like the bean tricks and later dodging the bullets), and it has been a very clear narrative. Something I am wondering about, do you think an epilogue for the Burly and the Skinny improve the story?

Hi Nikita,

It actually is loosely based on the true story of Cher Ami ( https://animaltia.com/cher-ami-heroic-pigeon/ ). But Skinny and Burly are totally fictional, which is why I only include the real bird in the epilogue. It's my hope that people will assume the best outcome for Skinny and Burly and realize that they are two of the 194 lives that were saved.

Ahhh it’s wonderful!!! You did such a good job! It’s a clear story with a really good climax and wonderful character development. I totally would watch a short or a movie of this. Congratulations for making such a great story! Five out of five stars!

Thanks so much for your kind words, Kristen! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Hi Allen,
This is really a wholesome story. I really like animal-human friendship stories and this is a good example of it. Your character development is really good they are both scared and they can understand each other. And i like your art also. Composition, stages,
Tones are very good. My final suggestion can be just the music. If this story was told with some music it would be very effective to feel more about the story :) but i know this is a time consuming job so well done! Congratulations :)

Thanks, Büşra! I totally agree with you about adding music. I'd love to do it but had trouble finding anything that wouldn't have required a lot of editing and more music composition knowledge and skill than I possess. I'm hoping to turn this into a full animatic at some point and working with an actual composer to add some music would definitely be one of my goals to take it to the next level.