This was a really sweet take by allowing the mother to be accepting of the dragon and the siblings to work through the conflict. i hope if you continue with the story we will find out why the dragon left her egg with the swan. I also think the art style and music went well with the story. maybe however just a personal preference, I felt at times the music overpowered just a little in volume, but I did enjoy it.:)

Hi Birdie thanks for your comments, definitely working on some more! Would like to add this story to my portfolio! Working on an emotional part in the beginning like finding nemo. Mother protecting her egg and has to make a decision.

As well as the swan siblings working on their part twords the end how they resolve their issue and help the dragon.

Thanks for letting me know about the music !

:)

Thank you everyone for your feedback, it is very helpful! As well as re watching piper and a bunch of Pixar shorts and movies for inspiration and motivation for my story :D!

Also congrats to everyone for finishing this program!

Hey Hani,

You've created a cute and eventually heartwarming short here! The message of acceptance at the end gets made very clear.
Also, your drawings support the clarity of the story well!

If you're planning to continue to develop this short, I do have some points of feedback for you.
- First of all, I'm wondering why the mother dragon is dropping her egg at the beginning? It looks like she's doing this very deliberately, not by accident. This also doesn't get explained later in the story. I was also wondering when mother dragon would return to get her baby, but that's a personal thing, haha!
- Only towards the ending it became clear to me that the baby dragon had a fear for water. Before that, it seemed to me that the baby dragon was just afraid to join the two brothers on their adventures. You might be able to show the water more when baby dragon accidentally drops in it, and show a bigger struggle between her and entering the water. I can also recommend to look at Pixar's short 'Piper', in which a baby bird has to overcome her fear of water in order to get food.
- At 1:35, what causes her to suddenly fall into the water? She has been standing at the same place for quite some time, and fell into the water without moving (when looking at your storyboards). You might show where the baby dragon is standing on, because we don't see that right now.
- Also, the motivation of the brothers seems a little sudden. They first want the baby dragon to come with them, which is totally acceptable. But when they're all in the water, with baby dragon on mama's back, they are a bit annoyed by the attention that baby dragon gets (I think) and that she doesn't belong with them. But a few moments later, they suddenly want to help the baby dragon and embrace her. I'm curious what causes this sudden change in motivation? It usually takes some kind of event to change someone's mind, so that's why I was a little doubtful about this. You might want to show that baby dragon really wants to try to fit in with his brothers, but fails a couple of times to swim. This way, the brothers admire her for trying, rather than being able to do something or not.

But besides these suggestions, you've done a good job! Congratulations on finishing your story reel and hopefully you've learned a lot through this program.

Hi Diederick,

Thank you for your feedback, I plan to add this story to my portfolio with some more edits :) . With the mother dragon I was trying to show that its trying to save her egg from a creature. Something to keep the story emotional like in finding nemo the mother trying to protect the eggs from the barracuda. Also for the main story line I'm trying to make only one swan sibling not except the baby dragon as a brother, trying to come up.
A suggestion I received from another audience was the weight of the dragon vs a swans weight. Which is why I had the dragon try to swim and drop in the water quick.

Main goal of this story keep it simple, try to make this dragon try to swim like a swan and be excepted by the brother swan.

Definitely am proud of this and learn a lot, especially proud how my skills have evolved ever since I graduated in 2019 :D!

Hey Hani,

Thanks for getting back to me. Great to hear that you're planning to put it in your portfolio, it's totally worth it! Thanks as well for your additional explanation on things :) For a next version, you could maybe show a little clearer that she's trying to save her egg from a creature! I think it will then definitely emphasise the emotional aspect of it.

I actually think that the two swan siblings worked very well, so my advice would be not to change it to one. Unless you think that it works better, of course! The reason is because the two siblings have a strong connection, which could also make it harder for the baby dragon to get 'approved'. The two can first discuss before accepting.

And the suggestion of the weight of the swan versus the dragon is understandable, and could work well if you visually explain it a bit more in a next version :)

I'm very glad to hear that you're proud of your story reel, and you should be! I also really like it!

Hey! I completely love your art, all the characters are so adorable!

I like that your story begins with the baby dragon being rejected by the swans, and that at the end they themselves realize that they should accept their brother's differences instead of rejecting him. I wonder if you have had the opportunity to see Verna's work, she too has used a dragon to somehow convey a message similar to yours, I think it would be interesting to take a look at it!

Thanks for sharing your work with us, and congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!

I liked the story although I have a doubt, why did the dragon leave an egg in another nest?
And I think it would help to add some extra detail to the sisne brothers to differentiate them from each other visually.

Omg the sounds and music are sooo adorable!! And adds so much. Great job! I love how the ending is sooo sweet. Really reminds me of disabled/autistic families and I love that. One suggestion would be making the fire red or orange. I didn’t realize it was fire till way later. Otherwise, you should be very proud of your work. Great job for making such a cute story!!

Totally agree with you Kristen! I didn't notice the fire at all, so thanks for bringing that up! Also, your suggestion to make the fire red or orange would really help.