Despite your story not having visuals, It is still amazing!!

Hi Team,

Thank you for sharing your work even if it is not finished. I think it can be a fun story and that it has potential. Personally, I find it a bit difficult to give good feedback without seeing any visual elements, since I don't know how you plan to translate this whole script into drawings. I don't know if you will mostly use narration or drawings. Either way, there are some tricky parts, like the DnD description. I don't know if it will be as easy to understand for people who are not familiar with the game like me. Is that part totally essential for your story? It seems a quite complicated sequence to translate into drawings.

If you ever add visuals, count me in for feedback. Good luck and congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!

Very great job!
The visuals are amazing and i do love the concept, im a sucker for “luck” based animations also the idea of using something similar to DND is very fun!
If this was fully animated this would be a great short!

Hi team FriendCastle! Great job and can see a lot of potential with this story! I am not a DnD player myself so I may have got a little lost along the way for some parts, but overall its nice to see a fully fleshed out script that you can work with for visuals! Cool!

Thank you for taking the time to display your literal words, it would have been helpful for me if there were at least audio of the text? I wish you and your creative team the best of luck for the final screenplay of this project! The character opposites are so dynamic I can only imagine the fun whimsical optics to go with it!
Paige

Thanks for the review, Paige! Our intent is just to submit SOMETHING to finish our role in the course. We're taking this story on our own time, and finishing it as a final screenplay instead of a storyreel. I appreciate you taking the time to look!

Hi,

I think there's some really great moments in your script outline, and as a fan of DnD, I can see the appeal of using it as a storytelling medium.

There's a few key moments that make me scratch my head. I have never heard of a paid cash prize for DnD, and while that isn't outside of the realm of possibility, I was really struggling to figure out how that would possibly work.

Both main characters losing their entire party, to introduce a seemingly arbitrary rule that at least 2 players have to make up a team seems like it would have ended up with both their teams eliminated from the competition, especially for a cash prize. I think you could fix this issue by having your characters just start on a team to begin with. You can find a creative way the unlikely pair is forced to be on the same team...maybe the lucky character's team is missing a person, and you need a full party to compete, so they need to bring on the unlucky character to meet the minimum requirements.

Your ending feels a little rushed as well.

I think this concept has good bones to it, but it would benefit from answering some of the questions that pop up throughout.

Thanks, Kyle!

You're right about the mismatch between the D&D name and the situations/rules that the characters find themselves in. We only use the term D&D generically. We've created a custom RPG-type even to meet the needs of the characters and the story we're trying to tell.

Thank you for your valuable feedback!

Hello Team FriendCastle! Fun things about this story! As a fello DnD player, I was happy to see the gameplay! However I got a tad confused about why they had to choose one player in the beginning because that’s not how I know dnd works? Maybe there is a different version I’m not familiar with.
Anyway, it’s a cute story! I think there may need a bigger climax. Like maybe their bodies get switched in the dnd game, and somehow it switches their luck in real life? Then each character could see what it’s like in the other persons shoes? Just an idea. You don’t have to take it.
You have done a fantastic job and should be proud of yourself. 🥰

Hi Kristen! Thanks for checking out our work.

You're right about the mismatch between the D&D name and the situations/rules that the characters find themselves in. We only use the term D&D generically. We've created a custom RPG-type even to meet the needs of the characters and the story we're trying to tell.

Thank you for your valuable feedback!