Hi Verna,
This is a really great story, and it was very easy to follow! Your drawings show so much of the characters' emotions and you have enough drawings to make the story reel seem close to an actual animated film. I also really like the music and sound effects that you added, they help convey the mood of the scenes. The moral of the story is very clear and well executed, and I feel like I can empathize with your characters. Amazing job!

Wow, this is really impressive. the scale and scope is amazing and I totally would like to see a more finished version of this with full animation! Really loved everything that went into this! Keep Up The Amazing Work!

if you have an insta and twitter for your art, i would love to follow it!

Thank you So much Royal for your kind and encouraging words!! I really appreciate it! I’d love to follow you as well! my instagram is @verndoodleart!! Let’s keep in touch for sure!:)

Wow this is basically a movie! Very epic. Really loved the voice work. Enjoyed every moment of it! What a great finish!

Thank you so much Ivan!!

This was sooo good!! There was a clear story and well thought out emotional moments. The visuals, voice acting, and music was a nice touch! I also really like the message behind it. Great Job!

Thank you so much Adriana!! And I love your storyreel it was so sweet and inspiring!:)

OMG!!!! This is incredible! PIXAR needs to hire you right now!!! It's done soo well that I can see the whole movie in my mind's eye with lighting, shading and movement. Your voice acting in incredible! The timing, music, sound effects and even with the quick sketches with the dark marker showing shadows and highlight is soo good! I'm going to do that from now on. There's no confusion, she finds her strength from her mother's love and you even had time for an epic action scene!?!?!? The appeal of the dragon's form is charming and design overall is so professional. Thank you for the inspiration and I hope to meet you one day. Keep on, keeping on!

oh wow Michael thank you so much that’s very encouraging and kind of you to say!! I was worried about the audio mixing and I’m so happy it was able to work and I’m so happy you enjoyed it!T-T Thank you again for your kind words!!

Hey Verna!

I’m so impressed with your final work, I think it’s a truly EXCELLENT submission. Yes, it might be a little longer than most submissions, but I’ve enjoyed every moment of it. It didn’t feel long at all.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, your clear and compelling way of drawing, combined with the use of interesting compositions, really enhances the already well structured story!

I’ve seen multiple versions of your story, and each time it got better. But seeing your final submission, you really knocked it out of the park with this one, absolutely amazing! You’ve made quite a lot of changes that clarified some of the feedback that I had before. This also shows that you’ve really listened to everyone's feedback and incorporated most of it into your story.

Therefore, most of the feedback points that I had are resolved. There’s still some feedback / questions left from that list, but that might be more relevant in case you want to develop this story even further :)

I didn’t see your final act before, so it was a surprise for me! As for the villain, I first thought that he was just a bad dragon, but the fact that he’s a dragon just like Penelope, with an actual motivation to be there (to tell Penelope about the terrible things humans did), makes him a fleshed out character as well. Finally, your resolution is satisfying to watch and greatly justified.

In terms of audio, your music really complements the emotional load / feeling of the sequences that are being played, great job on that too. Besides that, your dialogue is understandable and it proves that the writing is on point as well.

I’m truly, truly amazed by your story and how marvellously it’s being executed by you. It makes me very happy to see.

I hope that you’ve learned a lot throughout the Xperiential program. It has been an absolute pleasure to see your progress, and that I was able to give you feedback.

Diederick, I wanted to thank you so much for your super in depth feedback over these weeks, I truly appreciate how you went through and gave very specific details it was incredibly helpful and I appreciate it especially with the long runtime;;!! And its been fantastic to see The Lost Shaman develop throughout these weeks, again I’m so excited to see where you take it, lets definitely keep in touch!! I followed you on insta and my discord is verndoodle#5702 if you ever want to bounce ideas back and forth!!:)

Hey Verna,

You're most welcome, you already had a fantastic idea in a well crafted story, so I was more than glad to help you with it! Your last version really surpassed all of your previous submission, which were already very strong.
And thank you so much for your compliments about The Lost Shaman!

I just added you on Discord, let's keep connected! :)

Hi Verna! You've created such a great story! Amazing job with the narration and sound effects! I think they were very well placed and set the mood throughout. I got a little worried when I saw the time at 16 minutes haha, but it actually didn't seem as long- that is a really good sign. Your art style is very sweet and matched your story well. I really like the evil dragon and when Penelope slapped him haha! This had drama and some humor, i enjoyed watching it:) The storyline was also clear. One part slightly unclear was what happened to the queen's face when she was younger...It almost seems like she was injured maybe. That didnt detract from the overall story per se, just a point of curiosity. If you continue with this after the course, there may be frames in the beginning you can cut down on to reduce run time. Overall great story!!

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback Gina and I'll keep that detail in mind!:) Thank you again!

Hi Verna! I'm so glad to see your final submission!

I have commented on most of your submissions, so I have a good general idea of ​​the evolution of your story. I really appreciate your effort, you have developed a huge amount of drawings. And not only that, doing all the voices and finding the right music for your story must have been very difficult! I am amazed that you have been able to introduce new changes week after week to a really complicated story, and that you have given us such a great amount of detail.

I know that at times you have had concerns about the length of your story. I must tell you that your drawings are so beautiful that with the music that accompanies them as well as the dialogues, it makes looking at your storyreel not long at all. So you should be very proud of the great job you've done!

I think this is one of the most complicated stories to develop on the program, so I really admire your work and the beautiful message you try to convey. You have paid a lot of attention to the different suggestions that we have been making to you over the weeks, which shows that you really care about the perception that your audience has of your story, and you try to get the most out of it.

I can't even imagine the great projects you will do with your great skills to narrate stories as well as to draw. They are two qualities that are not always found in the same person, but there is no doubt that you have both. I have loved being able to follow your creation process, do not hesitate to contact me on Discord if you ever need help with this or any other story! :)

Congratulations on finishing the Xperiential program!!!

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and kind and encouraging words Julieta..that truly means alot! It has been a pleasure(and congratulations as well!!) to see your story Frosty Elderly develop and grow! I’m really excited to see where you go with this story because I can see it as an animated film! And absolutely same to you, I would love to keep in touch! my disc is verndoodle#5702 and I’m also in the XP server as well!

This story is amazingly well put together and developed, great job!

Thank you so much Tori!!

Hi, Verna!

I know this is the final submission for the class, but I still want to provide a bit of feedback in case you decide to continue to work on the project beyond this course. Hopefully the notes are helpful, but as always, feel free to ignore any that don't match your vision. And most importantly, congratulations on finishing your storyreel!

The sounds and music are very well done here and definitely add to the atmosphere of it all. Really great addition/changes.

I'm still a huge fan of your art style. It's whimsical and cute, but the big fight still manages to have weight and tension. It's a great balance.

My biggest issue with this story is that Penelope's decision to check out the room with all the propaganda isn't well motivated by anything that came before. We don't know about the room or that Penelope knows about it or wants to get in it. I'm also not sure you really need it, as Penelope always knew she didn't fit in and I'm sure she's heard the people talk about dragons in unkind words. Personally, I'd just cut out that sequence. But as much as I've brought it up, it's really not a big deal. It doesn't make or break the story in any way, so keep it if you like it.

I just had a thought that it might be nice to seed the idea that dragons grow quickly during the Queen's encounter with the guards in the opening sequence. As part of their explanation for why they have to destroy the eggs, they could mention that, "Dragons grow too quickly. One day they are a quick baby and suddenly they're monstrous beasts." That would establish the rules so it would feel more natural when Penelope suddenly grows overnight.

I love the image at 6:35! It's hard to capture someone looking so contemplative, but this is a really beautiful drawing that perfectly communicates Penelope's feelings in that moment.

The slap sound at 13:40 clears up any confusion about that drawing. Great addition!

I know I at least partially suggested the tweak to the ending, so I might be a bit biased here, but I love it! Having the girl Penelope saved throw the rock and then everyone else joining in is a beautiful moment. Great third act!

Overall, you've done a really amazing job here! This is one of the longer storyreels in the class, but it doesn't feel especially long while watching it because the story is so full of well-motivated actions outside of just a single sequence. Generally we move from point a to b to c and so on with very little randomness. We know why characters are doing what they are and what they ultimately want, so it's easy to follow along with and just get wrapped up in the story. You should be so proud of what you put together here!

Allen, thank you so much for your in awesome depth feedback, and your suggestions and comments these past weeks, it really helped me think about penelope’s and the queen’s motivations over these weeks, and I wanted to thank you for for your suggestion addition about the ending!! And thank you for your pointer about Penelope and the room, I agree with you I’ve been wondering if that scene was really needed so I’ll definitely keep that in mind!!

Hey, Verna! Congratulations on earning a top story reel award! I've followed your story over the weeks and it's been amazing to watch it develop and grow into an amazing story reel. I was so excited to see you win! You absolutely deserved the recognition.

OH MYYY! This is so goood! I can see the hard work you did! Layers of drama, clear drawings, adorable voice over and also the scary evil dragon, sfx and all is so good! Amazing amazing work! Kinda want to see it animated if you decide to make it! Great job 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 You must see “sea breast” too if you haven’t yet

Habiba thank you so so much!! That means alot!;-; I am planning to animate it in the future! And yes oh my gosh I haven’t seen it yet and I’m so excited to watch it finally this weekend!!!

Loved it overall! I loved seeing this from start to finish and really felt as if there are tons of moments of improvement throughout the course! Maybe adding some perspective lines would help to allow the audience and the camera know where we exactly are in a scene! Great job!

I really like the story and how it has improved.
Very cute the gag when he accidentally spits fire with the tea.
Penelope infante's locution is super cute.
Great music choice.
Just a technical suggestion, you could add the grills on the floor and in the ceiling to better limit the spaces.
Also the same and removing the screams at the most emotional moment of the short would be good.

Great work! This has the potential to be developed in many directions. Congrats on all your hard work.