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Christopher (1 like, 1 helpful)

Awesome work Colleen! All three acts weaved into one another smoothly and the story was well developed. Your choice of music and dialogue added depth to the storytelling. The only "criticism" I have is that I would love to see the town celebrate our heroes' efforts in greater detail. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story and I would love to see this as a fully developed short in the future!

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Aug 23, 2022, 3:26 AM

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Colleen (1 like)

Thank you for the great feedback. I'm always a fan of hearing an outside perspective on ways to fine-tune my work :)

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Aug 29, 2022, 3:54 PM

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Alaa

i absolutly love the drawings! no tips for you just great great work!

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Aug 22, 2022, 12:34 PM

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Colleen

thank you

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Aug 29, 2022, 3:53 PM

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Ariana (1 like)

Hi Colleen! I really like your use of color in this story reel. The orange, green, and blue makes it easier to distinguish the three characters. I was a little confused at the beginning of your story when the girl is swooshed off screen and the note falls. Does the note have any significance to the story? Why does she get swooshed away? I think I was a little confused with the transition from that moment to the next one with her friends. Your choice of music works really well for your story though! It is very mystical and calm, maintaining the tones of the story. The dynamics that you have created between your characters, in addition to your drawings, creates good onscreen chemistry! This is a beautiful story <3

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Aug 22, 2022, 1:02 AM

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Colleen

I think I'm going to add back in another scene where the adventurers are introduced in a different scene completely. This along with a town interaction change will hopefully clear that confusions up. Thanks for the feedback :)

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Aug 29, 2022, 3:57 PM

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Marcus (1 like)

Hello Colleen,

Great story. I really like the fantasy aspect and the designs of all the characters. I did get a bit confused on what was happening at the beginning. My first watch I thought Ithildin was the girl at the beginning and was confused when she went back to the same place. I also thought that the fight was different scenes and we were seeing a montage of adventures they went on. Once I read your outline and watched it again did I understand what was happening there. Just looking at your outline, I can tell this story is going to be around 1000 panels. I might be exaggerating, but its going to be a lot, but we need more to connect with what's happening. The first short where Ithildin takes her clock off, I think we should see more of the villain. And maybe more wider shots to see where everyone is in relation to whats happening. After Ithildin does her strike, I dont know what happens to her, maybe an over the shoulder shot of Shepherd charging in, to see if she moves out of the way or gets knocked away. The last thing is the screen direction Constantine gets hit and the knocked out, is flipped. He gets hit going from right to left and then on the next scene where he hits the wall he is going left to right. You could flip the drawings where he hits the wall or you can change the direction the gargoyle hits him so he goes more toward the right side of the screen.

This is a great story and I cant wait to see if you turn this into a comic or full on movie. Either way keep me posted!!

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Aug 21, 2022, 4:43 PM

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Colleen

Thank you for the feedback. Condensing this story was a beast haha. If you have any recommendations on how to milk the tension between Ithildin(blue) and Shepherd(green), and great action sequences in film(or tv) to study would be greatly appreciated :)

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Aug 22, 2022, 3:25 AM

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Act 1

The town clock chimes three times over a darkly lit street. A cloaked girl appears out of a doorway, gently closing the door behind her. She walks with purpose towards the southern facing bridge checking to make sure no one is following. She pauses just outside the village archway, turns around as if greeting someone, and swoosh, she is swept off screen. A note floats down from where she once stood, meeting her cloak on the ground. The camera zooms into the cloak as rain begins to pool on the ground.

The patter of rain transitions to the sound of running water. Ithildin’s foot replaces where the cloak once laid on the same cobblestones. The camera looks up to see her two companions in the town square. Shepherd waits for Ithildin leaned up against a post, while Constantine struggles to move Ithildin’s mace. “I’ll take care of that if you take these for me,” she says as she hands Constatine a vial filled with plant bulbs and a book. Constantine takes the items smiling at the gift. “So what is the plan for tonight,” Ithildin questions with the posters of the four missing girls behind her. Constantine and Shepherd look at each other, smile, then look at Ithildin, “you are.”

Night turns to day as Ithildin appears in a robe and walks to the front gate replicating the previous victim’s path. She listens for her attacker, and swoosh! She dodges. She rips off the cloak revealing her armor and mace and begins running towards her assailant. Constantine and Shepherd flank her in time for her to land her first blow. Off balanced, Shepherd swipes in with a sword attack, and Constantine follows through with a fireball.

Upon impact the fireball only leaves a scorch mark upon the gargoyle’s stone skin. It is completely unphased by the precocious attacks as it takes a sidestep preparing for its retaliation. With great force, the gargoyle picks Shepherd up and throws him across the bridge, sending him to the ground. The gargoyle menacingly walks along the bridge’s edge pulling a crystal lamp post from its base. The gargoyle’s next target is Constantine as he charges him, swatting him with the pole. Constantine is flung into the bridge wall causing the foundation to slightly crack. The gargoyle swings the pole one more time against its final opponent, but is left with slight resistance sending Ithildin skidding across the bridge instead of incapacitated.

Shocked at the turn of events, Ithildin looks to her left and right seeing her injured companions. She looks ahead at the creature preparing to charge her once again. She closes her eyes briefly clenching her fists and lets out a fearsome growl.

Act 2
As Ithildin charges forward, her form changes from human to werewolf. Lunging at the gargoyle, she sends it to the ground. The mere force of the blow cracking the red crystal on its chest. The crystal behind to pulse like a heartbeat slowing down until it goes silent. With the stillness, the gargoyle begins to crack and fall apart.

Ithildin composes herself, standing up straight over the creature, stirring in the knowledge of what she had to do to save her friends. She notices Shepherd has regained consciousness and approaches in a friendly demeanor. She assesses his injuries and reaches out a hand to offer aid, but something’s wrong, he reeks of fear.

(Shepherd’s perspective) Shepherd begins to panic as the werewolf turns its attention towards him. He’s too injured to get off the ground, but tries to crawl away as far as possible. It’s useless, the werewolf is gaining too much ground. It’s going to attack me with its claws! Channeling his fear into blind rage, Shepherd pulls the sword from his belt, swiping the werewolf’s claw and forearm.

Ithildin pulls back as the sword draws blood. Shepherd glares at her, still enraged. Her worst fear has been confirmed. Her friends would never accept a monster. As sadness swells within her, she runs away before any more damage can be done.

(Dialogue exchange)

Constantine’s labored voice is carried by the wind, “Why’d you do that?”

Shepherd: “I think what you meant to say was you're welcome. The more important question you should be asking is: Where did it even come from?”

Constantine grabs a plant from a vial in his satchel Ithi had placed there earlier.

Constantine: “That was Ithi”
Constantine walks over to where Shepherd lays on the ground.
“Now make yourself useful and help me bring her home.”
He tosses Shepherd the plant vial.

The scene changes from Shepherd’s hand holding the vial, to Constantine’s hand holding a flame. Shepherd is crouched beneath him as he searches to find Ithildin’s trail. That’s it! Shepherd leads the way as the two follow the paw print tracks.

Shepherd’s question breaks the still night. “How do we know she won’t attack us when we find her?” Shepherd asks. “After that sword swipe of yours, I wouldn’t blame her for taking a bite out of you. But this is Ithi we’re talking about. You do realize the form she takes doesn’t change who she is. I’m sure if you explain yourself, she’ll forgive you.” “I hope you’re right,” Shepherd says as the trail changes from paws prints to foot prints.

Act 3

Light sobs can be heard as Ithildin becomes visible in a clearing ahead. Shepherd removes his cloak but hesitates. Constantine reassures Shepherd and brings the cloak over to Ithildin.

Hearing the approaching footsteps, Ithildin looks at her potential attacker holding her hands up. “It’s just me, I figured you might need a warm cloak,” Constantine says through a shy smile. “As long as you don’t mind it being on a monster,” Ithildin says, wiping away tears from her face. Constantine wraps the cloak around Ithi and sits down on the grass next to her. “I don’t see any monsters here,” he reassures her. Shepherd approaches as the two talk. “So it turns out there wasn’t another monster terrorizing that bridge. In fact an incredible being showed up out of nowhere and saved our sorry butts. I guess what I’m so sorry Ithi, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought..” “You better not forget it,” Ithildin says, cutting him off with a slight smile.

As the team is reunited with the misunderstandings behind them, Constantine chimes in, “At least we were able to finish half the job. I wonder where he was taking those girls and why.” Ithildin perks up, “ I just might be able to help out with that. Let's go back to the bridge. I have an extra set of clothes there and I’ll see what I can do.

Back at the bridge Constantine gathers samples of this unusual gargoyle specimen and Ithildin focuses to catch a scent. She closes her eyes. Take a sniff, and SUCCESS. The bridge appears from her point of view and she leads the team through the path laid before her. Below the bridge lies a cave from back when the town mined their light crystals. Within the cave three of the four missing girls sit chained up. Constantine begins melting the chains, Ithildin inspects the sacrificial altar, and Shepherd provides the emotional support.

The town streets are filled with cheers of celebration as the town returns to its safe and unsuspecting state. Our team of monster hunters move on to their next assignment bringing new lessons along with them. Ithildin is now embracing her full skillset and the team is stronger for it. Her confidence and strength encourage Shepherd and Constantine to further push themselves to protect those who cannot protect themselves.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
Colleen Daly

Colleen

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